I have a suspicion that a family member may be gay. But I think that no one wants to tell me becuase they are afraid of my reaction. My family lives out of state and I rarely see them. My mother recently lost her husband (mystepfather) so going to her would only give her somthing else to upset her. But I think she is the one who knows for sure. It's like there is all these little hints given, but I don't want to assume the wrong thing. I will still love this person, I just want to know the truth. My children love this person and they ask why they don't hear from him. I ask about him to my family and I get, "Oh, he's ok. You just remember he loves you vey much." He sold his house and I'm told he lives on the road all the time due to his job and all the traveling. He has no phone either...???? I mean, how can he just not be in touch....ever??? I asked if he was sick or if there was something going on that I should know about. I'm told no, but it is said with hesitation. Do I just.........ask??
Why do you need to know? What difference does it make? Why would your family think it would upset you? Perhaps if you comment on other situations, like something on TV that just happens to come up, that each person is entitled to live his or her own life as they see fit, or something else that indicates you would not be judgmental, that might let them know it's OK to tell you. But seriously, I don't want to know what my heterosexual friends and relatives do in private, either.
If you feel like something is being kept from you.. I would just ask. Either they'll tell you, or they'll lie to you, but atleast they can't ever say you weren't concerned enough to have noticed or asked about the family member in question. Let the chips fall where they may from there.
If you love the person as you say, then "the truth" wouldn't matter to you. No. Basically (and excuse my being blunt) it's none of your business.
i would just ask what is wrong and don't take no for an answer. i would leave out the "Is he gay" part though, from what i perceived from your post you are just concerned about him and trying to find anything to explain his actions. Just ask someone that exact way expressing your concern to put your fears of something wrong to rest. JMHO
Whoa whoa...hold on....guys.....please...........The person happens to be my brother and I love him very much.......I am the most loving, easy to get along with person in the world.....I am better known as a big pushover as well. I think people here take me wrong alot. I am not atilla the Hun, ok? I am a very down to earth goodhearted person. But I also have opinions and concerns like everybody else. Please don't put me down. This is a very big concern for me like, I would hope, most people's families are. I am concerned about it because I wish that I could be there for him. If he was ok with being gay, if that is the issue, then he knows he could be open with me and my family with it and he isn't. THAT is why it is a concern. If he in fact is, it is not something he is wanting. Does that clear alot up? I am not condemning him or anyone. The reason I feel that this is his situation is because of various innuendos and comments he had with my husband a few years ago. It concerns me that my kids love their Uncle and he does not try to communicate with them. It concerns me that if he gets sick and needs us, we are out of the picture. It concerns me that I might find out from a third party someday in which the story will be twisted 10 times over instead of my family. Am I getting through? On a side note, I want to say something to everyone. You know, when people come here with a concern or a question, we could all do well to think about what we write BEFORE we write. Some of the comments here have made me out to look like I'm out to condemn the world of homosexuality. None of you have ever met me in person so you cannot say anything about how I feel. This is why alot of arguments start in threads. People want to jump someone before they give them a chance. Not that it would matter, but I think I will stay away for awhile. God bless everyone and I will keep all in prayer for families, jobs, etc.....
Confucius says: Don't ask the horse's butt ask the horse's face. That way you get the truth from the horse's mouth. If you need to know the truth. Truth be told.:mrgreen:
I know you said you're going to "go away" for a while.. but maybe you'll read this still. If it's someone as close as your brother...nothing wrong with a good ol' heart to heart talk. If you want him to know you'll always be there for him no matter what his lifestyle choices are... tell him that. That might be something he needs to hear from you...
I re-read all the posts and cannot find any that put you down. Actually, considering the subject matter, I think the replies were pretty civil. The opinions may not be what you you were hoping for, but if you're afraid of the answer, you shouldn't ask the question. In personal matters, even within families, there are subjects which simply are not your business. Subjects dealing with sex are way high on the list. If the person in question cares to bring them up, that is their choice. If they choose to keep it hidden, then there is little that you could (or should) do.
Geez Ken, who poopood in your Wheaties today? You know i am guilty of posting personal things on here from time to time that i really want a variety of opinions on and then i make up my own mind. From her/his post, i thought it was a real effort to get some feedback from different people. i think explaining that it was the brother made that even clearer.
I have to say that I agree with Clif. I don't see where anyone intentionally put you down, and I'm sorry if you took it that way. Personally, I apologize if you found my response offensive, that was certainly not my intent. You asked a question; I felt a little more information would be helpful in formulating an answer, so I asked questions, then stated an answer in general terms based on the information you did provide. As Tassy stated, since this is your brother, maybe just let him know you love him and will not judge him based on his lifestyle or anything else. I can't think of another reason he would hesitate to let you know, other than a concern about being judged. You said: I'm sure that is true. For the most part, people do not choose to be gay or straight, any more than they choose to be right-handed or left-handed. Society puts a lot of pressure on gays to pretend to be something they are not. If you truly want to be there for him no matter what, you should let him know that.
i did read the whole thread before posting, my comment to you was referring to the sarcasm dripping from your fingers in the above highlighted portion of your post:lol:
We have had a family member that recently came out of the closet, even though we knew for at least 10 years. They have not opened up to the whole family on this but thought it was safe with us. We think the thing that allowed them to open up to us was the knowledge that we weren't afraid of Gay's and that our church is open to the Gay lifestyle so they felt we would not condemn them. Just need to handle it tactfully and show that you honestly love them and that they are not any less human because they get their trigger tripped in a different way.
