This may be an old one. Funny to some, not so to others. So, some of you, Enjoy! ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: How to Be a Good Liberal You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean Communists. You have to believe that there was no art before federal funding. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee, Thomas Edison, and Alexander Graham Bell. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton doesn't condone Bill's sexual predations. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge. You have to believe that conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a perjurer and a sex offender belonged in the White House. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal. You have to believe that the illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese government and introduced to American politics by the Clinton 's is somehow in the best interests of the United States . You have to believe that it's okay to give federal workers Christmas Day off but it's not okay to say "Merry Christmas." You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast right wing conspiracy.
I am a conservative. I am a conservative. I believe in staying solvent and out of debt. I am a conservative. I believe in keeping my nose out of other people's business, their nations and their bedrooms. I am a conservative. I believe in conserving our assets and our resources -- our air, our land, our water. Accordingly, I don't support or engage in wastefulness, inefficiency or lavish excesses. I am a conservative. I think an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Therefore I support appropriate government spending on such things as infrastructure, schools, social welfare and crime prevention, because in the long run it's cheaper and more effective. I am a conservative. I don't sign on to risky schemes. I think if you give Bob a dollar, it helps Bob, but it may not necessarily help Oscar, Fred or Maria. I am a conservative. If I am attacked, I respond appropriately and conservatively. I do not swat mosquitoes with dynamite. I am a conservative. I don't deal falsely or prematurely with facts. I am a conservative. I understand the purposes of various institutions. It is the job of government to govern, the job of religion to address spiritual needs, and the job of business to secure profits by producing needed goods and services. I do not confuse these institutions. I am a conservative. I understand my position in the world and that my opinions are not the only valid ones. I do not have an exclusive claim on what is right, good or patriotic, and those who disagree with me are not automatically evil traitors. What's really weird, though, is that I've always thought these things, but now everyone calls me a "liberal"!
I thought it was just going to say "die" because "the only good liberal is a dead liberal" .... like Jefferson and the rest of those liberal fools that changed the reality of how humanity can govern itself.
I've always thought these things, and that's what makes me a "liberal"! I believe in staying solvent and out of debt, and in using other taxpayer's money to do so. I believe in keeping my nose out of other people's business, their nations and their bedrooms,except when it comes to what kind/size car they drive, whether or not they eat meat, whether or not they smoke, whether or not they wear fur, whether or not they choose to pledge service to their country in a time of war, whether or not they use compacted lightbulbs, and whether or not they display what I want on their T-shirts and bumper stickers. I believe in conserving our assets and our resources -- our air, our land, our water. I do so by making sure that I buy carbon offsets from myself. Accordingly, I don't support or engage in wastefulness, inefficiency or lavish excesses except when I am the guest of honor at a political fundraiser in Hollywood. I think an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure except when it comes to teen sex and pregnancy. In that case, it's better to let their little hormones drive their activities and to heck with the fact that they aren't old enough to take the responsibilities of preventive contraception seriously. I support appropriate government spending on such things as infrastructure (in the form of reprieves to Starkist and Chicken of the Sea...no Pelosi in those pockets, no siree), schools (can't spend enough on aromatherapy for 3rd graders, you know), social welfare (babies for bucks...get your WIC cards here!) and crime prevention (25 strikes and you're out!), because in the long run it's cheaper and more effective to spend other people's money for that which I think is important...to heck with what they want to do with their own money. I don't sign on to risky schemes except for universal healthcare. I think if you give Bob a dollar, it helps Bob, but it may not necessarily help Oscar, Fred or Maria. Afterall, I have personally determined that Oscar, Fred and Maria can't help themselves because their parents didn't stroke their self-esteem enough during their early years...so give them two dollars. If I am attacked, I respond appropriately and throw pies at that person when they go to speak at a college, or dress in pink and stand in front of their protest holding big styrofoam boards over their signs so no one can read them. Sometimes, I also demand the school ban their T-shirts if they say something I construe as an attack. Whatever works. I do not swat mosquitoes with dynamite, instead, I swat them with the ACLU or Jesse Jackson. I don't deal falsely or prematurely with facts. In fact, I don't deal with facts at all. I don't like facts. They get in the way. I understand the purposes of various institutions like the ACLU, the NAACP, ACORN, ANSWER, and Camp Casey. It is the job of government to govern, the job of religion to address spiritual needs, and the job of business to pay me what I need to live, not what my labor is worth. Oh...and it's the job of activist judges to give me what I want when what I want doesn't jibe with the Constitution. I understand my position in the world and that my opinions are not the only valid ones. They are, however, the only ones that count. Anyone who doesn't agree with me is either racist, bigoted, or a homophobe....or they may just have more money than I do. I do not have an exclusive claim on what is right, good or based in reality. Patriotic means to tell soldiers that they have died for an unnoble cause., and those who disagree with me are not automatically evil traitors, but instead are just stupid and uninformed.
You know there are so many contradictions in this next to last post as to be more humorours than most of the jokes here, only it was supposed to be serious. A quick example: How can reality be subjective enough to be changed by the view? Reality is the objective not the subjective, yet in this case it is ignored in the attempt to make the opposing view seem somehow out of touch with reality. If find such a dichotomy very amusing at times, myself, however it does scare me at other times when it appears the speaker actually believes their own misrepresentations to be the basis of reality. Kind of like watching the old McCarthy era investigations or a kangaroo court type of scary.
no one here is a conservative or a liberal... what we are... what we ALL are... are people whose own self interest is paramount and we will defend and support to a fault whoever happens to most closely agree with those interests.
I disagree. I think many people on this board have a consistent ideology, and they do not necessarily act in their own self-interest. I see a few who consistently express a conservative point of view, some neo-cons, a couple of anarchists, a libertarian or two, some liberals, etc. Just a couple of examples of people not acting in their own self-interest: 1. I'm on Medicare and Tricare, so my own medical expenses are virtually nil, but I favor universal health care. Too many people suffer from not having regular medical care because they can't afford it. For example, 85% of the women who die from cervical cancer never had a pap smear before their diagnosis. I have seen too many people facing financial ruin because of medical expenses. More than half of the bankruptcies filed in this country are caused by medical expenses, and a high percentage of those people had health insurance when they got sick. 2. Many, many defenders of the current administration's tax cuts for the wealthy benefit from them not at all. Maybe they hope to be rich some day. Maybe they buy the administration's arguments that it's good for the economy, although statistics do not bear that out. OK, bad example, those same people tend to think of themselves as conservative, but the tax cuts result in deficits; if they were true conservatives, they would have insisted that the government continue to follow the pay-as-you-go principle, showing where budget cuts were going to be made to pay for tax cuts. I would guess that many of us have similar self-interests with regard to a great many issues. I doubt that many on this board are among the very wealthy or among the very poor. And I really do believe that most of us want what is best for ourselves, our families and friends, our country. We have different ideas about the best ways to get there, and we enthusiastically defend our own ideas, making for some great discussions.
I have to agree with KDs on this. I am not a supporter of the of tax cuts even though I now pay more in taxes than I used to live on while supporting a family of four. I support the benefits of society because that is the best thing for us all and not just myself or my immediate family.
Didn't breed, but believe putting other folks children through school is an important thing to do. Believe in helping others with out anything in return (before you bury me in emails funds are limited and I do it for registered charities only)
