hohoho's hahaha's "All I Need to Know about Life I Learned From a Snowman.... " It's okay if you're a little bottom heavy. Hold your ground, even when the heat is on. Wearing white is always appropriate. Winter is the best of the four seasons. It takes a few extra rolls to make a good midsection. We're all made up of mostly water. You know you've made it when they write a song about you. Avoid yellow snow. Don't get too much sun. It's embarrassing when you can't look down and see your feet. It's fun to hang out in your front yard. Always put your best foot forward. There's no stopping you once you're on a roll.
Men and Gift Wrapping This is the time of year when we think back to the very first Christmas, when the Three Wise Men; Gaspar, Balthazar and Herb, went to see the baby Jesus and, according to the Book of Matthew, "presented unto Him gifts; gold, frankincense, and myrrh." These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we discover an important, yet often overlooked, theological fact there is no mention of wrapping paper. If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have said so "And lo, the gifts were inside 600 square cubits of paper. And the paper was festooned with pictures of Frosty the Snowman. And Joseph was going to throweth it away, but Mary saideth unto him, she saideth, 'Holdeth it! That is nice paper! Saveth it for next year!' And Joseph did rolleth his eyeballs. And the baby Jesus was more interested in the paper than the frankincense." But these words do not appear in the Bible, which means that the very first Christmas gifts were NOT wrapped. This is because the people giving those gifts had two important characteristics 1. They were wise. 2. They were men.
Guess The Christmas Song Try to guess the real names of these Christmas songs: 1. Bleached Yule 2. Castaneous-colored Seed Vesicated in a Conflagration 3. Singular Yearning for the Twin Anterior Incisors 4. Righteous Darkness 5. Arrival Time 2400 hrs - Weather Cloudless 6. Loyal Followers Advance 7. Far Off in a Feeder 8. Array the Corridor 9. Bantam Male Percussionist 10. Monarchial Triad 11. Nocturnal Noiselessness 12. Jehovah Deactivate Blithe Chevaliers 13. Red Man En Route to Borough 14. Frozen Precipitation Commence 15. Proceed and Enlighten on the Pinnacle 16. The Quadruped with the Vermillion Probiscis 17. Query Regarding Identity of Descendant 18. Delight for this Planet 19. Give Attention to the Melodious Celestial Beings 20. The Dozen Festive 24 Hour Intervals 21. Our fervent hope is that you thoroughly enjoy your yuletide season 22. Parent was observed osculating a red-coated unshaven teamster 23. May the deity bestow an absence of fatigue to mild male humans 24. Natal celebration devoid of color, rather albino, as a hallucinatory phenomenom for me 25. Obese personification fabricated of compressed mounds of minute crystals 26. Tranquility upon the terrestrial sphere 27. Have hitherward the entire assembly of those who are loyal in their belief of Christmas :mrgreen: Yes. I do have the answers.
CHRISTMAS CAKE RECIPE You'll need the following: 1 cup of water 1 cup of sugar 4 large brown eggs 2 cups of dried fruit 1 teaspoon of salt 1 cup of brown sugar Lemon juice Nuts 1 bottle of whisky Sample the whisky to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it's the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again. Make sure the whisky is still OK. Cry another tup. Tune up the mixer. Beat two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fired druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it goose with a drewscriver. Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whisky. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon the sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whisky again and go to bed.
12 Days Of Christmas - Bayou Style Day 1 Dear Boudreaux, Thanks for de bird in de Pear tree. I fix it las' night with dirty rice. I doan tink de pear tree will grow in the swamp, so I swap it for a Satsuma. Day 2 Dear Boudreaux, You letter say you sent two turtle doves, but all I got was two scrawny pigeons. Anyway, I mixed dem with andouille an made some gumbo out of dem. Day 3 Dear Boudreaux, Why doan you sent some crawfish? I'm tired of eating dem darn birds. I gave two of dose prissy French chickens to Marie Trahan over at Grans Bayou an fed the tird one to my dog, Phideaux. Marie needed some sparring partners for her fighting rooster. Day 4 Dear Boudreaux, Mon Dieux! I tol you no more dem darn birds. Deez four, what you call dem "calling birds" were so noisy you could hear dem all de way to Napoleonville. I used dere necks for my crab traps, an fed de rest of dem to de gators. Day 5 Dear Boudreaux, You finally sent somethin useful. I like dem golden rings. I hocked dem at da pawn shop in Thibodeaux and got enuf money to fix da shaft on my shrimp boat an buy a round for da boys at de Raisin' Cane Lounge. Merci Beaucoup! Day 6 Dear Boudreaux, Couchon! Back to da birds, you coonass turkey! Poor egg suckin' Phideaux is scared to death at dem six geeses. He tried to eat dems eggs and dey peck de heck out ah his snout. Dey good at eating cockroaches, though. I may stuff one of dem wit erster dressing on Christmas day. Day 7 Dear Boudreaux, I'm gonna wring your fool neck next time I see you. Thibideaux, da mailman, is ready to kill ya. The merde from all dem birds is stinkin' up his mailboat. He afraid someone will slip on dat stuff and sue him good. I let those seven swans loose to swim on de bayou and some duck hunters from Texas blasted dem out of de water. Talk to you tomorrow. Day 8 Dear Boudreaux, Poor ole Thibeau, he had to make tree trips on his mail- boat to deliver dem 8 maids a milkin and their cows. One of dem cows got spooked by da alligators and almost tipped over da boat. I doan like dem shiftless maids, me no. I tolt dem to get to work guttin fish and sweeping the shack but dey say it wasn't in dair contract. Dey probably think they to good ta skin nutrias I caught las night too. Day 9 Dear Boudreaux, What you trying to did Huh? Thibideaux had to borrow the Lutcher ferry to carry dem jumpin twits you call Lords-a-Leaping across the bayou. As soon as dey gots here dey wanted a tea break with crumpets. I doan know what dat means but I says, "Well, La Di Da. You get Chicory coffee or nuttin." Mon Dieu, Emile. What I'm gonna feed all dese bozos? Dey too snooty for fried nutria, and de cows done eat my turnip greens. Day 10 Dear Boudreaux, You got to be outs you mind! If de mailman don't kill you, I will for sure. Today he deliver 10 floozies from Bourbon Street. Dey said dey be "Ladies Dancin" but dey doan act like ladies even aroun dose Limey twits. Dey almos left after one of dem got bit by a water moccasin over by da out-house. I had to butcher 2 cows to feed toute le monde an get toilet paper. The Sears catalog wasn't good enuf fer dose hoity toity lord's royal behin. Day 11 Dear Boudreaux, Where Y'at. Cheerio an pip pip. Your 11 pipers piping arrives today from the House of Blues, second lining as dey got off de boat. We fixed stuffed goose and beef jambalaya, finished da whiskey and we having a fais-do-do. Da new mailman he drink a bottle of Jack Daniel an he having a good time yeah dancing with de floozies. Thibeau he jump off de Sunshine Bridge yesterday, screaming your name. If you get a mysterious, ticking package in de mail, doan open it man. Day 12 Dear Boudreaux, I sorry to tell ya but I not your true love anymore, no. After da fais-do-do, I spent sum time with Jacque, de head piper. We decide to open a restaurant and club on de bayou. The floozies, pardon me, Ladies dancing, can make $20 for to dance der, and de lords can be waiters an valet park de boats. Since de maids have no more cows ta milk, I trained dem ta set my crab traps, watch my trotlines, an run my shrimping business. We will probably gross a million clams nex year.
Heres a few more: 5. Arrival Time 2400 hrs - Weather Cloudless – It came upon a midnight clear 8. Array the Corridor – Deck the halls 10. Monarchial Triad – We Three Kings 11. Nocturnal Noiselessness – Silent Night 16. The Quadruped with the Vermillion Probiscis,- Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer 22. Parent was observed osculating a red-coated unshaven teamster – The Night before Christmas 26. Tranquility upon the terrestrial sphere – Peace on Earth
Hmmm Looks like 12 & 23 were the same... GOOD JOB!!! Answers 1. White Christmas 2. Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire 3. All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth 4. O Holy Night 5. It Came Upon a Midnight Clear 6. O Come, All Ye Faithful 7. Away in a Manger 8. Deck the Hall 9. Little Drummer Boy 10. We Three Kings 11. Silent Night 12. God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen 13. Santa Claus is Coming to Town 14. Let it Snow 15. Go, Tell It on the Mountain 16. Rudolph, the Red-nosed Reindeer 17. What Child is This? 18. Joy to the World 19. Hark! The Herald Angels Sing 20. The Twelve Days of Christmas 21. We Wish You A Merry Christmas 22. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus 23. God Rest You Merry Gentlemen 24. I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas 25. Frosty the Snowman 26. Peace on Earth 27. Oh Come, All Ye Faithful
What Do You Know About Fruitcake? (quiz) http://yumsugar.com/848737 * You answered 5 out of 5 questions correctly * Your score: 100% * The average score is 3.2 or 63% ... and I've never had any!... Info from Martha about Fruit Cakes (kinda interesting..) http://www.marthastewart.com/portal...gnVCM1000003d370a0aRCRD&autonomy_kw=fruitcake
Actually... This one sounds pretty tasty! .... Chocolate Panforte From: Martha Stewart Living Unlike most fruitcakes, this one is ready to eat as soon as it cools. Ingredients Makes 1 nine-inch cake * 4 ounces whole hazelnuts (3/4 cup) * Soft butter for pan * 3 ounces dried cherries (1/2 cup) * 2 tablespoons brandy * 3 ounces best-quality unsweetened chocolate, , finely chopped (3/4 cup) * 1 1/4 ounces best-quality bittersweet chocolate, finely chopped (1/4 cup) * 1 cup plus 1/2 tablespoon all-purpose flour * 1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon * 2/3 cup honey * 2/3 cup light-brown sugar, firmly packed * 1/2 teaspoon best-quality cocoa powder Directions 1. Heat oven to 350 degrees. Spread nuts on a baking pan. Bake until fragrant, about 10 minutes. Rub warm nuts in a clean kitchen towel to remove skins. Set aside. 2. Reduce oven heat to 300 degrees. Brush a 9-inch springform pan with soft butter, fit with circle of parchment, brush parchment with butter, and set aside. 3. Combine fruit, nuts, brandy, and chocolates in a medium bowl; set aside. Sift 1 cup flour and 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon in a bowl. 4. Combine honey and sugar in a saucepan. Stirring, bring sugar to a boil; reduce heat. Simmer for 2 minutes. Combine with dried-fruit mixture, stirring until combined. Fold in flour; mix to combine. Pour into prepared pan. 5. With wet hands or a small metal spatula, press the mixture to form a level layer. Combine the remaining 1/2 tablespoon flour, 1 teaspoon cinnamon, and cocoa. Sift over unbaked cake. Bake until set, about 30 minutes. Remove from oven, and cool. Gently brush off flour coating before serving. Keep in an airtight container up to 1 week.
Only 2 tablespoons of brandy???????? Is she nuts??????? :shock: I got 4 out of 5 on the quiz, I missed the country. That was the only one I really guessed at, too. I used to make fruitcake, many, many years ago. The key is to use good quality ingredients, and make it well in advance so you can soak it in brandy a few times before you get ready to serve it. Not sure about that recipe. I usually think adding chocolate can improve almost anything, but chocolate fruitcake doesn't quite sound right.
Speaking of HO HO HO... I pulled up to the drive-thru window at the pharmacy the other day and was presented with window stick-ons of ornaments, cute little presents and snowflakes. Then, at eye-level, I saw this: OH OH OH.... My mind couldn't digest it for a minute until I realized they had placed the stick-ons from the inside, and I was reading HO HO HO backwards. :mrgreen:
