Girl, you have never seen a fat girl move so fast to get out of a doctor's office! I even left without paying my bill. I had to mail them a check. Funny thing is that I never got another yearly appt. reminder postcard from them :jester:
Okay I'm at work last night and a customer asks me for something, (it was on a lower shelf) so I told him to let me know if he sees it before I do. So as I'm looking I asked him if he saw it yet, his reply was, "the only thing I see is your hiney."
Years ago I went to the chiropractor once a week. As I was getting my weekly adjustment I felt a little bubbly in my tummy and thought oh great. I'm on my stomach, face in the little hole of the table and he is working his way down my back. As he gets to the small of my back and pushes in hard, whoops, I let one go. I mean, the pressure was too great and I couldnt' keep it in anymore. I immediately start laughing and can feel my face turning bright red. I'm sure he stepped back because it probably startled him. As I'm trying to keep my composure and myself on the table he says, oh, you aren't the first to do that. I about died! The next week when I went back and he got to that point of my back, he asked if I was gonna shoot him again, apperently it sounded like a gunshot.
I did that once with navy and black shoes too - only I didn't have the excuse of being pregnant! Thankfully my feet were hid behind my desk...
Tweety and Michelle - those stories are hysterical! I can so see that happening in my mind! :lol: :lol:
Just heard on WUNC that later this hour they are going to do a story on gas emissions in the arctic tundra and I immediate thought of Michelle and Tweeties story's! :jester:
LMAO! I think Michelle and I are alot alike, I have read in other posts about her gas emissions and I am totally the same way. My fiance gets so grossed out! :lol:
I'm in a good mood so I'm gonna share one more that only a very few people know. I'm gonna warn you now that it is gross so if you are squeamish or you are a tight lipped prude who doesn't like to talk about bodily emmissions then this is a post that you will definitely want to skip . . . A few weeks ago my mom called me and wanted me to come over to her house and eat some lima beans with her. Now for those of you raised in the south you know that it's ok to make a complete meal off of a bowl of lima beans with cornbread and onions. That's exactly what I did on that day. I actually at TWO big bowls of beans that day. The next day I was leaving work to go to lunch and as soon as I pulled out of the parking lot I knew that I had made a mistake by not stopping by the bathroom first. I thought to myself that I'd just stop at the first place I passed that had a public restroom. In order to get to said place I had to go to the stoplight and make a u-turn. When I got to the light it had just turned red. The longer I sat there the more my stomach rumbled and growled. I shifted in my seat. I sweated. I prayed. I pooted. I made funny faces. I tried to think of anything else. I prayed some more. I pooted some more. I was clinching it tighter than a hobo on a hotdog. Finally the light turns green and as I take my foot off the brake to give it gas I must have somehow loosened up my pucker because all h*ll broke loose. I did the unthinkable. Now for those of you that have ever had the misfortune of doing this you know that once it starts out there is NO stopping it. I'll just leave it at that. Now I'm thinking I have to get home quickly and take a shower and change clothes and get back to work. There is no way I can do all of this in an hour so I call my boss and tell her what has happened. I just couldn't bring myself to tell he a lie. She laughed and told me to go on home and take care of business. Now I'm thinking that I'm home free as long as there are no traffic accidents between work and home and that I'll just run home and come back to work. That wasn't to happen on this day. As soon as I got almost to 40 my gas light comes on and starts beeping. There is no way I can make it home without getting gas. How in the world was I gonna get out and pump gas with you know what all over me? Not gonna happen. Just then I have a bright idea. I called mama and told her what had happened and told her that I MUST come to her house and take her car home to do my business and come back. Luckily, she said ok. She gave me some trashbags to sit on and I drove her car home and did what I needed to do and then drove back to her house to get my car. At this point everything should have been ok. Should have been . . . BUT when I went back to my car I had forgot to leave the windows cracked! Needless to say I no longer have that car.
MICHELLE!!! The story was bad enough! But your gas light coming on was icing on the cake!! Do you seriously not have the car anymore???
I raise my right hand to God and tell you that the entire story is true and I do not have that car anymore. I just hope that whoever bought it can get the nice stain out of the seat :lol: Boy, I have told y'all way too much about myself today. I have a feeling it's all gonna come back and haunt me. Oh well, I'm nothing if not honest!
