Okay, I have a daughter set to enter high school this coming year. She is 16yo. Obviously, as I"m sure you guessed by now, she is not a typically developing teenager. She is delayed. Her greatest fear is people making fun of her next year. I found this to be very true at Middle School for her. The ones who were supposed to partner up w/ her & help her in her regular classes were the ones who ended up hurting her. Anyhow, this is a new start and hoping for that. BUT, I also want to be realistic w/ her in what to expect. She's short for her age and honestly looks 12. She doesn't quite know how to act in social situations a lot of the time. I don't know how she'll make friends w/ the abilities she has. She's a phenominal athlete. But, she'd be too scared to try out for anything. I need to know HONESTLY how you think normally developed teens are going to treat her in High School. She'll be attending WJHS. Also, how much should I tell her as far as grown up stuff goes & curse words. She knows the basic few but that's it. Okay, not askinf for a list here folks--LOL, just if she's going to hear more than she knows. Also, phrases that you really don't want your kids to know but they all do in hs. We've all been there. I'm wondering how much I should explain to her so if she is ever stuck in a conversation of words & doesn't know what they mean. I'm really torn here on what to do. She's mentally not ready for some of this yet at the same token I don't want her to be unprepared at what she might face in high school. Already she's being told everyone has a cell phone...URGHH. I don't even have a cell phone anymore. Yet, I see many, many teens walking around w/ them. I go by the high school parking lot & am shocked to see the kinds of cars these kids drive. Nothing like I had in college--LOL. How prevalent is what you wear, what you have, who you know, cliques, etc. in high school? I really just need to know how to best prepare her for the next step in her life. I need to be honest w/ her. I'm not trying to hide stuff but in the same step, can only explain but so much that she'll understand it. Hope that made sense. What would you all w/ teens in high school say is the best way to prepare a child for entering high school? My hs years were much different as I lived on a VERY tiny military base in Germany. We all had to be close b/c we had no choice. Didn't matter what you looked like, or what you wore. But when I came back stateside, it was indeed all about that. Is this still true in today's society of teens? She's very conservative in the way she dresses but I seen teens w/ shorts tryign to reach the sky & as low cut as you can go ont he tops. SEe it at stores too. I guess I'm just asking how to prepare a teen in today's world for high school. What should she know? What should she wear? This is someone who is still into high school musical & who can't phathom some of the things she hears on the news. What did your teens know when they entered high school? I always tell her to be herself but in this case, it would be very hard for others to understand what & why she is doing what she's doing. She's also extremely self-conscious about scars on her forehead & really afraid of high schoolers making fun of that. They did in middle school. Do they do stuff to freshman still? I know she couldn't handle that if they do. I want her to enjoy high school & be on the right path. I don't want her to start off though not knowing what to do. I want her to experience things in her time. You can't protect them from everything and I know that for sure. But mine is also not in a "normal" situation either. I just need to know what "normal" is in high school so I can let her know what to expect. On another note, I called the high school to ask about registering and they told me to come after June 21st. I told them we have to get an IEP in place again and all that but they said still come after June 21st. Anyone know why'd they'd say that? Does this sound right to you all? That late to come by. Let me know if what they told me was wrong. Trust me, I asked her twice so I know I heard right. Thanks in advance for all the answers. As a parent, I'm entering new territory. I'm hoping high school will be better than middle. I've heard that is typically the case. Any ideas of what high school life is like nowadays, please let me know. I'd greatly appreciate the insight. Still can't believe I'll have one in high school. Can I be that old?--LOL. Stephanie--mom to 7
1st breathe... 2nd don't hold your breath... let it back out. 3rd she'll be fine. It sounds like you are more worried than she is...again... she'll be fine.
I would say that probably most of those things you are worried about will happen, to what degree, who knows. It's going to be very hard to predict how she will be accepted or treated by others until she actually starts school. Does she have friends from middle school? If so, hopefully some of these kids will be in her classes or nearby to help her. Maybe there are some small clubs/activities that she can join to gain some confidence. They probably said wait until June, cause I guess thats when they start working on class schedules. But it seems like you should be able to see her advisor w/ your daughter before then and hopefully they could help suggest ways she can be involved? They had an 8th grade night last week, did y'all go to that?
Honestly, my experience is that high school can be tough even for people who don’t have to deal with the things that she does. I ALWAYS felt like I wasn’t skinny enough, pretty enough etc. and that if I wasn’t getting asked out by a football player that I just couldn’t be cool and while I didn’t get made fun of I was always worried about these things. Kids can be cruel and I think it’s unrealistic to say that she will for sure not get made fun of. That being said, she will find great kids to hang out with and will hopefully protect her from some of the crap. I hate that high school ends up being about popularity etc. and there seemed – at least for me – a lot of pressure to be cool. I would love to think that kids these days are mature enough to know that making fun of someone who is different is NOT cool, but there are always going to be the mean ones who have no conscience. I would tell her that there are always these type of kids, but they are mean to everyone so she shouldn’t take it personally. And let her know that there will be kids that will accept her and be her friends. Also, talk to her teachers and ask them to keep you updated about how things are going. I honestly wish that I could go with her and tell those mean kids that they better not mess with her, but I can’t do that. Just keep telling her that if kids are mean they are the ones with the problems and not her. It will probably take her a while to adjust, but once she finds her niche she’ll probably be fine. I’m not trying to sound like a downer because I’m sure she’ll be fine, but reality is that there are a lot of social pressures in high school and nasty kids to deal with. I hope everything works out for the best. Keep us posted.
Thanks for the heads up. Didn't go lsat week b/c we found out about it that night. That's why I started calling to find out. Currently, she is homeschooled w/ one of her other middle school brothers. She has friends currently but they are all much younger than she is and not going to high school. The one friend that she's had for years is starting to "outgrow" her. Don't worry, this happens over the years as others around her mature and she does not. So I know that will be a tough pill to swallow. Don't know what to say b/c like I said small school for me growing up. We had 60 in our graduating class. I hear there are somthing like 2500 to 3000 students alone at WJHS. Shoot, that alone scares me & I'm not the one going to school--LOL. I'll deifnitely check out about the clubs. Thanks for that suggestion. I know things will happen to some degree for sure. And you're right, can't predict it. Just trying to lessen the blow b/c the aftermath is hard to deal w/.
Hey, this is what I asked for in the original post. Honesty. I just needed to know if this stuff is still going on and it sounds like it is. But, you made a great point. Just as there are people that will be unkind, there are ones that WILL be decent and that she can speak to. And you're right, that is just as important to emphasize. Thanks for that reminder. She'll be the only one from teh family in high school this coming year. At least in the younger grades they have family to kind of support them. (or sell them up the river depending the situation--LOL). One time on the bus this year my son was being made fun of on the bus due to his hand deformities & prosthetic leg. The other 3 stood up by him and said you can't do that to him. And suprisingly, the other kid shut up and never bothered him again on the bus. However, my son isn't bothered by what people say about him. It's my daughter that is hurt by what people say. She takes things to heart. Ahh, the joys of parenthood I see coming around the corner for me. Thanks for all the input on and of the board. I think I've come to the conclusion to warn her a little (not scare her more than she already is) but also emphasize that there will be good times to come as well.
Also - they usually have what they call Freshman Academy where all the freshman go for one day of orientation (like a week before school starts), so they can get to know ea other, tour the building, find their classes etc. And then they keep most of their 'core' classes on a separate hall (at least thats what they used to do) so that they're not too overwhelmed by all the upper classmen.
My friend's daughter just started high school this year and is having a good year. She has a good head on her shoulders and believes in being herself and doesn't worry about what others think of her. She is very popular and is friendly to everyone. I find her very inspirational and wish I was like her in HS. I think she would be willing to talk to your daughter (or just you!) whether it be in person, by phone, or by email. PM me if you are interested and I will talk to her. BTW, we once belonged to the same mom's group! DB's wife
I think this is a great idea. I wanted to edit my post to add that as many people that she can meet during the summer etc. the better it will be because there will be familiar faces and somebody to show her the ropes etc.
It's my experience that a lot of these teens are more vicious than I've ever seen. I attribute some of this to the fact that most cultural references they have now are abrasive, in-your-face, WWE mentality. The language is more adult and specific. So, prepare her for some of the worst. At the same time, there are kids who are kind and courteous will offset this. Good Luck..
Not sure which high school she will be attending but Clayton High School has all their freshman classes in a new separate 2 story building. This helps with some of your concerns.
Thanks everyone very much. Lots of pm emails & VERY useful info. Definitely clear now that it will be a mix of good & bad and that allows me to better prepare her for what is to come. Kind of excited to enter a new arena for my kids...the high school years. Wish me luck--LOL. stephanie--mom to 7 \
Oh Geez I have an 11 year old and she is already dealing with crazy girl stuff at elementary school, can't believe it but it is true. I try to talk to her honestly about all types of topics even the ones she doesn't want to hear. I think that I am going to continue to advise her to find a friend who is male instead of female, at this early age she has already had a best friend who has turned on her and caused her a lot of tears. I guess that she is just learning a life lesson. My point is, I have four brothers and I am the only girl in my family, I had more friends that were guys than I did that were girls. I have always found girls to be capable of inflicting needless pain on others and boys just aren't that way. I am sure that it may seem crazy but I think if my daughter has a good friend that is a boy, her middle school and high school days will be easier. I know what you are thinking, not a good idea to mix male and female at this stage in her life but I really believe this is the better solution and that I talk with her enough that she is aware of the things that worry most parents and is mature enough to make good decisions now and in the future.
