those of you who have lost a parent

What do you regret not doing/wished you would have done? I have to make sure I cover everything in the next few months.

 

WOW!!! What is going on???

 

I haven't lost a parent. I lost my sister. I wish that I would have spent more time with her on the days when she was feeling good. And I wish I would just sat there more on the days she didn't.

 

...always tell them you love them.:grouphug:

 

Sorry to hear the circumstances... being there for them letting them know how grateful you are how much you respect their generation and what they have seen and been thru... Pray with them if they are receptive to it...

The best is time spent with them, there is never enough of that. Let them know the Love you have carried for them and the thanks for the job they did raising you... Be strong... Prayers to ya... :grouphug::grouphug:

 

Get as many stories on their lives as possible as their grand children may not be able to get them first hand. Video or audio recordings are great as are notebooks for keeping a memory alive and fresh. this allows you to also spend time, which is also never enough.

Of course, there are never enough oppotunities to let them know how much they have meant, mean, and will mean to your life, but try. Any regrets you remember when you were cross or had a disagreement can be apologized for now and settled. Even if it has been forgotten by everyone else, if you remember it get it out of the way or it will stay forever.

 

i know one of the truly special things my Dad and i did was he shared so many stories of his youth and family history with me, he enjoyed it as much as i did. i was very lucky in that i was able to spend a lot of time with him the last few months, one thing i regretted was we both wanted to take a trip to the beach one last time, the beach was always special to me and my Dad. i gave up my job and pretty much lived on my 401k for about 3 months so i could spend that time with him, wasn't easy but very much worth it.

i also religiously kept a journal of things he told me, how the days were progressing and all to the end - simple things he said i probably would have forgotten if i had not written them down.

 

I lost my father when i was young. my mother married and i refused to be close to my step father. i never gave him a fathers day card and i did not thank him for all he did for my mother. one day he died sudden and all my sisters and brother had to take care of our elderly mom. we knew then how much he did for her because it took all of us to do the things for her that he did himself. she had dementia and in the end she had to be put in a rest home. we took very good care of her untill the end. our only regret is that we did not really show appreciation for all that our stepfather had done for her and the grace he showed us daily. tell parents how much you appreicate them and all thier sacrifices. thanks.

 

Tangy, I know this has been a long road for you. I am praying for your family.

Order this book today. Fill it out with him while he's still here. You'll cherish it later.


http://www.amazon.com/Fathers-Memor...=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1247772060&sr=8-1

 

I lost my mom this past June 18th. I got to see her the week before she died which I was so grateful for. But there are so many things I wanted to do with her and share with her and talk with her about. We lived so far away and her health was so bad. She kept alot of it from us...why do parents do that????..........Anyway, she did and I am sure she had her reasons. She had EVERYTHING planned. There was not one detail she left amiss. So I know she knew this was coming. I know this will sound strange, but I kind of feel cheated in a way, I wasn't ready for her to go:cry:....

aaahhhh......:neutral: I guess it is part of the grieving process

Spend all the time you can with parents, even if it seems like too much. I wish I did. I am at peace with her passing, I know where she is and I know that I will see her again one day.

My dad died in 2001 but I only just got to know him the year before he died. I feel bad but I was not close to him enough to hurt as badly. I wish he was in my life and that I could've known him alot better. But it was his choice to leave when I was young and be absent.

Say what you mean and mean what you say. There is NEVER too much time to spend or words and feelings to say and show.......

 

*

 

I've lost both my parents. My mother when I was 14 and my father when I was 21 (just 5 years ago). It is still hard for me because both of them passed away suddenly. I regret not telling them how much I really loved them and how much I appreciated everything they did for me. Especially my mother because I was 14 when she died and I was going through a lot of teenage stuff then. Spend as much time as you can with them. That is one thing you will never get back. I wish I had listened more to my mother. All the stories and advice she tried to give me because the memories of her are starting to fade now. I am an only child and I feel really alone sometimes. I miss them so much I am getting choked up just typing this.

I would give anything just to have a little more time with them both. I would tell them how much I love them and that I think about them everyday. I truly wish they had got to meet their grandchildren. Soak up as much as you can and make even more memories. So when it gets hard you'll have them to rely on.

I will pray for you and your family. It is one of the hardest things to go through.

 

:iagree:

Take as many pictures as you can. My mother didn't like her picture taken so I don't have that many of her. I was lucky though with my father. Someone took his picture a few weeks before he died and it is the best picture. He was wearing his cowboy boots and his sunglasses and that is how I will always remember him.

 

I lost my mother when I was six and my father the year after I came to America,when I was 19.At that age I never really felt like spending much time together with my dad. Needless to say I learned that lesson the hard way.I now wish I still had the opportunity to sit with him and listen to him relating stories about his childhood and the hard times he had to go thru during the war.
Being there for a parent,showing your appreciation and love would be my advice :grouphug:

 

I lost my daddy when I was 29 and my mom when I was 32...and it just isn't fair. Anyway, spend every single moment you can with them. Always tell them how much they mean to you. I know when my mom was in her final days/weeks, she never wanted me out of her sight and often said she was so lonely. I know this was not because we were not always around her...she just missed my daddy and was looking forward to the reunion with the love of her life, as well as her Savior. She also was terrrified to leave her children. Tangy, you and I have talked a lot about our families and you know quite a few details about mine in the past year. I know some of the details about my family were similar to yours...my mom's biggest fear was we would stop being a family when she was gone. We had to assure her we would be okay and we would love one another everyday of our lives. Sometimes thats a tough promise to fulfill but I work hard at it! I always love my family...sometimes I don't like them very much! Also, when my dad passed, he left with the promise that we would take care of our mother and make sure she wasn't alone. We did that. I had so many great times with both of my parents...so many good memories. I will also say that after daddy left, mom and I got even closer. She became my best friend. I think daddy was proud of the way we took care of her. I'm here for you. I truly understand what your dealing with. Stay close to God through this and don't get angry at him. You'll regret that later. I did when my dad was sick and I felt horrible later. I love ya, Girl.

 

I moved my son and myself in with my mom in Florida when she was diagnosed with Cancer. (left poor hubby and teen daughter home!)

Dont get caught up in the doom and gloom at the end.... laugh, cry and sing! Some of the best memories I have are the last few weeks gardening side by side and hearing the stories, sharing thoughts and wishes....

We even joked about where I would put her ashes. I wanted to put some in a necklace and she said I would loose it and keep looking around on the ground saying I lost my mom! (I tend to loose jewelry!) She said everyone would think I was nuts as I searched the floor for 'her' and for some reason it was hilarious to both of us. Every once in a while she would look down and say "hey I lost my mom" out of nowhere to make me laugh.

She walked around and we labeled her belongings that she wanted to make sure were distributed... all of this seemed very awkward for me, but it felt good after to know I helped her get through it the way SHE wanted to do it.

Let her/him do it their way! It should be about them! (write down anything you can that you may forget....) start a memory book?? take lots of pictures!!

It has been many years since I lost my mom, and I still want to pick up the phone to call her... still want to share my day with her... so do it all now while you still can.

Good luck to you and your family!

 

I missed not being able to say goodbye or that I love her one more time!

 

wow...I haven't been on here in more than a month but something made me pull it up tonight. I am fortunate to still have both of my parents, but the last month has been a real reality check for me. I have been blessed with a second chance to enjoy my parents for as long as God will let me keep them. Daddy went into kidney failure in June 12 (his future is still up in the air) and mama was diagnosed with a baseball-size brain tumor on Tuesday (to be removed this Monday). I have spent the last month driving them "hither and yon". And many hours just talking, crying and laughing. I will no longer take one second for granted. I will never skip another phone call because I am tired. I lost my car in the parking deck at Duke Raleigh the other day and mama laughed and offered to let me use her brain since mine wasn't working. She said "Oops...mine isn't either" and we were able to laugh about it. I have a new respect for both of my parents and how strong they are. I have seen them as the married couple of 49 years rather than just mama and daddy. I have learned that I am not super woman and need to lean on others (my official "control freak" card has been taken away). I will take each day as it comes and thank God for each one He gives me.

Thanks for letting me ramble.....it's cheaper than therapy.

Please pray for me and "my people". It's been a tough month.

Thanks,
Amy

 

Orange Slice! My heart aches for you.

I'm soooo sorry.


I don't even know what to say. :grouphug:

 

Wonderful advice as well. We learned you ahve to live for today and not worry about tomorrow...if you spend today worrying about what tomorrow will bring, you've lost that time with each other.