Open Letters - Rant or Rave

He started it. :cheers:

 

and it's sooo true....never fails in the ladies room...

 

Reminds me of another rant that I've been needing to get off my chest. If you are in the bathroom and you use the last of the toilet paper PLEASE be courteous and reach behind you and put a fresh roll on the holder. I mean come on, you are sitting there with nothing else to do so help a sista out and put a fresh roll on. AND . . . listen up cause this is important . . . the tp should roll from the top NOT the bottom.

Thank you. This PSA has been brought to you courtesy of Frosty. :mrgreen:

 

Especially at work. I have sat there before holding it in until my eyes pure watered.

Sometimes a fake cough or flushing will not hide the noise.

 

reminds me of that joke that went around a few years back "How to Poop at work"...it's hysterical...I need to see if I can find it.

 

Good Lord Michelle!! TMI!!!! :mrgreen:

 

that was easy...LOL

http://mistupid.com/people/page051.htm

 

Hey, I got no secrets. We've all been there . . . I'm just not too proud to admit it. :mrgreen:

 

Darn Big Brother has it blocked :boxing:

 

Girl..............no argument that we've all been there, I just prefer a little more mystery myself, LOL. Whatever works for ya!! Bathroom doors are still closed at my house after being together 20 years. 8)

 

That was hilarious...thanks for the the laugh. I work with a "OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER"... it's awful. We bought aerosol spray just for him...it didn't help. It only smells like he crapped a rose now.

 

Found it!

HOW TO POOP AT WORK!
We’ve all been there but don’t like to admit it. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORKPOOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.

CROP DUSTING: When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn’t know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

FLY BY: This is the act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check! for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE: This is a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK: When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace.This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of airtime the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that thesmell does not exist. This very uncomfortable walk can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER: This is a colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N): A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS: A Safe Haven is a seldom-used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

**** BURGLAR: This is someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the **** Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall is called a Camo-Cough. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential **** Burglars. The Camo-Cough is very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE: An Astaire is a subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential **** Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON: A watermelon is a big poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET: A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

UNCLE TODD: An Uncle Todd is a bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. This person could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Todd makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as other bathroom attendees.

 

My nephew missed his calling as a stand-up comedian. One day a couple years ago, he had us all rolling in the floor lauging about life in the dorms at college and vanilla scented pooh. Again, I prefer a little more discretion, but OMG, his tale of woe with a roomie was hysterical.

 

A closed door does no good at my house. Usually I have either the hubby, daughter or the cat in there with me. No such thing as a solo poop. :?

 

You must train them from birth!! The bathroom is the last bastion of solitude!! :jester:

 

You truly are a man after my own heart :mrgreen:. Our tp used to be like that . . . notice I said USED to be. I lodged a formal complaint one day and asked the big cheese if he used 1-ply at his house. He said no so I told him that we shouldn't have to use it either. I swear you could read a book through it yet it was very uncomfortable. It wasn't saving the company any money because you had to wind it around your hand about 50 times to get the same support as normal tp.

I'm happy to say that now we have CHARMIN in our bathrooms . . . at least in the ladies room. I think they took all the 1-ply to the mens room since they only use it half as much as us ladies. :jester:

Now if you are in the market for some John Wayne toilet paper you need to buy Scott. That stuff won't take s*it off anybody. My mama used to buy that kind and once I used it I understood why she was always in a bad mood.

 

Wooo Hoooo! Talk to me daddy :mrgreen:

 

Rave

Dear wonderful person at Clayton Starbucks

Thank you for turning in my wallet today, you are truly a Christmas Angel!!!

 

:hurray:

 

Yikes! I haven't tried doing a good DEAD lately, but it doesn't sound like it would feel amazing! :jester:

Yes, it is awesome that there are still some good folks around...and at Starbuck's no less!:hurray: