Well, after reading a bunch of news stories on how fast people are bailing out of failed/failing welfare state masterpieces like Detroit, Chicago, NYC, Kalifornia, etc... in record numbers, Down here in the South, I can see the handwriting on the wall and know that it's only a matter of time before some of them end up here. And the first thing they are going to want to do is to start "educating" us and "bringing us into the 21st century", or in other words, recreate the same miserable social chaos that forced them to become refugees in the first place. This will not be tolerated. As a rule we tend to be generally friendly, neighborly folk, and we believe in giving anybody a fair chance. "Southern Hospitality" isn't just an old rumor. It's real, and it's alive and well, thank you. If someone can manage to behave themself and live among their neighbors in a peaceful coexistance, then we welcome them with open arms. Probably even throw them a house warming party and invite 'em over for dinner. However, there are a few basic courtesies we expect in return for our hospitality. In that spirit, I feel it's only proper that I should provide a list of some of those. The list is pretty short and basic, and is by no means all-inclusive, but is a sufficient primer for those considering relocating to the South and should go a long way toward avoiding an *** kickin'. Fifteen Ways To Avoid A Good Southern *** Whuppin ... Issued by the Southern Tourism Bureau to ALL visiting Northerners, Northeasterners, Northwesterners, Extreme Westerners, and Southwestern Urbanites. 1) Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Waffle House. It's just a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your ***. 2) Don't laugh at our Southern names (Merleen, Luther, Tammy Lynn, Inez, Billy Joe, Sissy, Clovis, etc.) or we will just HAVE to kick your ***. 3) Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda down here. Down here it's called Coke. Nobody gives a flying rat's *** whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up or whatever... it's still a Coke. Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an *** kicking. 4) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (e.g. Welty, Williams, Faulkner). We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hillbillies or we'll kick your ***. 5) We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Fred Smith of Fed Ex, Sam Walton, Turner Broadcasting,, MTV, Netscape). Naturally, we do, sometimes, have small lapses in judgment (e.g. John Edwards, Al Gore, Bill Clinton, David Duke). We don't care if you think we are dumb. We are not dumb enough to let someone move to our state in order to run for the Senate. If someone tried to do that, we would kick his/her ***. 6) Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to Longstreet and flanked Meade at Gettysburg instead of sending Pickett up the middle, you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington. If you visit Stone Mountain and complain about the carving, we'll kick your ***. 7) We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut the hell up. Just spend your money and get the hell out of here, or we'll kick your ***. 8) Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will instantly know that you're a Yankee. Eat your biscuits like God intended with gravy. And don't put sugar on your grits, or we'll kick your ***. 9) Don't fake a Southern accent. This will incite a riot, and you will get your *** kicked. 10) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we know better. Many of us have visited Northern hellholes like Detroit, Chicago, and DC, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, Delta is ready when you are. Move your *** on back home before it gets kicked. 11) Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we don't want to sound like you. We don't care if you don't understand what we are saying. All other Southerners understand what we are saying, and that's all that matters. Now, go away and leave us alone, or we'll kick your ***. 12) Don't complain that the South is dirty and polluted. None of OUR lakes or rivers have caught fire recently. If you whine about OUR scenic beauty, we'll kick your *** all the way back to L.A. 13) Don't ridicule our Southern manners. We say sir and ma'am. We hold doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet little gray-haired grandmothers or they'll kick some manners into your *** just like they did ours. 14) So you think we're quaint, or losers, because most of us live in the countryside? That's because we have enough sense to not live in filthy, smelly, crime infested cesspools like New York, Baltimore or Boston. Make fun of our rural lifestyle and we'll kick your ***. 15) Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come down here and tell us how to cook barbecue. This will get your *** shot (right after it is kicked). You're lucky we let you come down here at all. Criticize our barbecue, and you will go home in a pine box... minus your ***. Happy New Year.
Never asked for a soda or pop...but I don't call all soft drinks "Coke." Its either a "drink," soft drink or by its brand name. Who would put sugar in their grits? Butter and salt, unless there's some red eye gravy around. Country ham biscuits with grits and redeye gravy...have mercy now that's some good eatin' right there!
that made me laugh, years ago when my boys were young we went up to PA to visit my brother and he took us to a beach (in their world a lake). On the way there we stopped at a conv store, i went in and asked where their drinks were and they very quickly informed me that there was no alcohol served in their store:lol::lol: Growing up, we always called soft drinks just drinks when we went into stores. As for the grits, never done sugar, growing up it was just butter melting on top.
it's Nanna, thank ya very much & this Nanna can totally kick some wolves ***, just ask anyone who has seen my house:lol::lol::lol::lol: BTW, my new little baby has the cutest little wolfpack shirt, pics were posted on FB:cheers:
Now we both know you haven't had a baby since FDR was in office. I'm assuming you are talking about one of those lil lap dogs the elderly typically own?
Wow i am amazed that you can recollect who was in office when you were born, sounds like the meds are working pretty good, hopefully they will keep giving you a slight bit of sanity for a few more years, just remember to think before opening your mouth sweetie but don't worry we all know how much reality is associated with your poor dysfunctional brain you poor little man:jester:
Nixon was in office when I was born. You might know him since you probably went to school with his parents.
You've got to remember, there was "prohibition" around here until just a few years ago, 1997, I believe when liquor by the drink was voted in to Johnston county. Before that, if you asked someone if they wanted a "drink", it referred to a soft drink, and was followed by a preference, as in, 'Yea, I'll take a Coke, or maybe (ala Andy Griffith) 'I believe I will have a Big Orange!' Now the question, particulary in a bar or restaurant, is followed by choice of "cocktail" (another word you hardly ever heard around here, prior to LBTD) My, how times have changed!!! 8)
so sweet of you to try to explain but you have to remember that you are talking to Wulf, his meds still have him believing he is young, we just all have to tolerate and understand his elderly dementia, poor thing:jester:
So funny! When I was in the Bahamas years ago I asked a hotel desk clerk where I could find a drink machine. First she looked at me like I was crazy then she sort of had this look like she thought this sounded like a great invention. lol She then told me where I could find the hotel bar. I rephrased my question by asking where I could find a soda machine and she understood. I know this isn't exactly the same since I was in another country but it brought back that funny memory. I guess I was the northern yankee in this case! I somehow still felt like a hillbilly!!! Totally off the subject but on that same trip one of the hotel workers asked me where I was from I told him I was from North Carolina in the United States. He smiled and in his thick Bahamian accent said, "Ahhhh, Michael Jordan!" DB's wife
I was in the hills of Tennessee about a decade ago and stopped in a local General Store for some snacks and a drink. I asked the guy behind the desk where the restroom was and he kindly pointed towards the back. When I returned he asked me where I was from and so naturally I told him NC. He then nodded and said..."yea, I thought you sounded like a Yankee." WTF? Granted I don't have a thick accent but give me a break.
Maybe that was his strange way of meaning you sounded like you were not from his neck of the woods?????? Db's wife
Our first home was in rural Georgia on the main drag to Athena, and on game day the road was a parking lot and the occcupants of those vehicles thought it was an outhouse.
