Another one for the "Differences between Men and Women" section... A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door. He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls. As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What Happened here today?" She again smiled and answered, "You know every Day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?" "Yes," was his incredulous reply. She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."
Thats not a difference. Here is a difference. Woman comes home and see's her husband/BF/whatever sitting in the chair with a sad look on his face. Whats wrong? she asks. Nothing. He replies. Oh come on, you can tell me. she says. Nothing is wrong. he says. I can look at you and tell you that something is wrong. she says. Really, nothing is wrong. he replies. Why dont you ever want to talk to me? she asks. Nothing to talk about. he says. You never want to talk and im giving you the perfect chance here. she says. I'm ok, really. he says. No you are not, something is wrong. I can tell. she says. Look...im ok...ok? he says. ONCE AGAIN YOU NEVER WANT TO TALK TO ME! she yells. Well i really dont feel like talking now. he says. SEE! I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING. ITS ALWAYS SOMETHING WITH YOU AINT IT? YOU DONT TALK, WE DONT TALK. THIS IS VERY FRUSTRATING!! she yells again. Ok. I said there was nothing wrong and there is nothing wrong. he says. DONT GIVE ME THAT! YOU JUST DONT WANT TO TALK TO ME! SAME THING EVERY DAY. I COME HOME AND YOU DONT WANT TO TALK. ARGHHHH!!! she yells again. Now. Man comes home and see's his wife sitting in a chair with a very ticked off look on her face. Whats wrong? he asks. Nothing. she replies. Ok. he says and walks off. That....is your difference.
Eight Words with two Meanings: 1. THINGY (thing-ee) n. Female...... Any part under a car's hood. Male...........The strap fastener on a woman's bra. 2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male........ Playing football without a cup. 3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. Male........ Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys. 4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n. Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family. Male.........Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one. 5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n. Female... A good movie, concert, play or book. Male....... Anything that can be done while drinking beer. 6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n. Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion. Male...... ..A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding. 7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n. Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve. Male.......... Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it. 8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n. Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another. Male........ A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes. He said . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it. She said . . You wear pants don't you? He said . . .... Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said........That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart! He said . ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? She said . ..Turn sideways and look in the mirror! He said . ... How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? She said ... We don't know; it has never happened. He said . ... Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good- looking? She said ....They already have boyfriends. He said.......What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? She said . . A widow. He said . .. . Why are married women heavier than single women? She said . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and goes to the fridge. What a woman says: This place is a mess! C'mon! You and I need to clean up! Your stuff is lying on the floor and You'll have no clothes to wear if we don't do laundry right now! What a man hears: blah blah blah blah blah C'MON! YOU AND I blah blah blah blah! blah blah blah blah ON THE FLOOR blah blah blah NO CLOTHES blah blah blah blah blah blah blah RIGHT NOW!
