this year my grandson 2nd grade gets upset every moring about going to school. he cries.etc etc. we have taken him to dr. read all kinds of information on the web about what to do and so far nothing has worked. the school has been very supportive and tried different things, but this going to school in the moring is horrible. the teacher says that when he gets to school he seems fine. he is fine when i pick him up in the afternoons. anyone out there have this problem? he had a great year in 1st grade. no problems. this has just caused us to go nuts trying to figure out what is wrong and he cannot really tell us anything. thanks to all. macy
Were there any problems preceding his behavior? The reason I ask - my son was crying every morning when it was time to get on the bus.... Previously this was the highlight of his day. He begged my husband to take him to school instead. My husband asked him if he was having problems on the bus or something... He said no... But couldn't explain to him his aversion to getting on the bus. Well, the reason he didn't want to get on the bus was.... The first 2 days of school his teacher put him on the WRONG bus. The proper paperwork was submitted telling the school where he was to get off, my husband even spoke directly with the teacher in regards to our son's bus stop. When it was time to get on the bus, my son even tried to tell the teacher the correct bus number. She insisted on putting him on the wrong bus. The bus driver even knew he was on the wrong bus, but her hands evidently were tied somehow... Once they are on the bus, they are on the bus I guess. After two days of going round and round - day 3 he was put on the correct bus and no further problems... But.... He no longer trusts the grown-ups at school to keep him safe and get him where he needs to be..... But, being 6 his isn't able to articulate that... Sorry so long, but thought the example was a better way to explain my point... That SOMETHING evidently must have happened to cause this sudden behavior... I would just keep casually bringing it up - but not in the morning. Not really a solution to your problem, but hope it helps in some way...
First of all make sure he's not being bullied or teased at this age sometimes thats when it starts. If thats not the reason it could be that he misses summer break . I know mine would cry and not want to go in k because she had all these fears she would tell me things like what if you forget to come get me ( where this one came from I do not know cause never ever happened ) she also would say what if you die while I am at school this one was very hard for her she had known someone who loss their mommy. So I would have a new question a new what if every day to answer. Then first grade she did not like the teacher she wanted her K teacher back took a while for her to warm up to the new teacher. It is so sad when they don't want to go because they have to go and leaves mommy feeling guilty. I would take some time just you and him alone some where and ask him whats his favorite things at school get him talking about that then slip in what don't you like and why. The same with his friends who do you like and who don't you like and why.
Growing up my parents worked our little buns off. So we practically hated summers because all we did was work. School was a cool break for us. Put his hiney to work. Chores chores chores...pull weeds, fold clothes, wash windows, clean tubs-toilets-sinks... Good luck
one of my twins did that in first grade...it just killed me to send him off, and he would cry. We tried everything, and like you said, he was fine after I left. It stopped after I stopped acknowledging the behavior. It was so hard to do, but when he saw he wasn't getting a reaction to his action, he stopped. Good Luck to you. :-D
I used to have problems with school as a child and a lot of it was centered around what I suppose was separation anxiety from my parents. I lived in a small town and everytime the fire or rescue siren blared, I worried. If I knew they were going out of town, I worried. I was just a little worrier. Of course, it could be he is not fitting in well with his classmates or getting picked on. There is obvious dread in going to school and it could likely manifest itself later into a nervous stomach or headaches or anything like that if he's under stress. Perhaps for some irrational (or unknown rational) reason he doesn't like his teacher. The only thing I can think of is to try to get him to talk about what is bothering him and then make attempts to rectify it. Perhaps there is a subject at school that he dreads, like math and its causing him worries.
I'm so lucky, I've never had that problem with my girls! They never cried in daycare/preschool either, unless they were sick. I would guess the bully thing is going on and he's afraid to tell you about it.
second grade worries thanks to all who responded. this helps a lot. my grandson says he is not having problem with a bully.(i thought of that too) but you never know when they d ecide to hide something. one of the points made about keep them busy working with chores in the summer to me is a good ideal. i am older now but i do remember how happy i was when school started and i did not have to barn tobacco and chop cotten etc etc . going to school was like a break. kids today have so many things to do (other than work) they are spoiled but they don't know it. anyway, thanks for all information. macy
I have a 6th grader that has cried every year!!! Some years worse than others... some years almost every morning and evening!!! We too are suspecting separation anxiety. Seems 'normal' in every other way. But we are a tight family that does everything together. He has recently stopped wanting to go to other peoples houses (but he loves for them to come here...) Stopped taking Karate lessons etc... Could it be that? Does anyone has suggestions for an 11 year old with anxiety? He is a sensitive kid, but not tooo overly anxious except for leaving the family. I have been contemplating getting him some professional help, but hubby thinks I am over reacting.
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/separation_anxiety_causes_prevention_treatment.htm What is separation anxiety disorder? Separation anxiety disorder is described as excessive, age-inappropriate fear about being apart from family members, especially parents. Children with separation anxiety disorder fear being lost to their families or are sure something bad will happen to family members if they are separated from them. Unlike normal separation anxiety, which is a routine developmental stage in babies and toddlers, separation anxiety disorder generally appears in children of school age and represents fears that are exaggerated out of proportion to real situations or problems. It can interfere with or restrict a child’s normal activities to a significant degree. Separation anxiety disorder affects about 4 percent of children 6-12 and a slightly lower proportion of adolescents, affecting girls and boys about equally. Because children who develop separation anxiety disorder are unwilling to be away from family members, they may become isolated from other children and have difficult making friends and maintaining friendships. Resistance to attending school can lead to excessive absence and an impact on a child’s schoolwork and academic progress. Children with separation anxiety disorder are more at risk for panic disorders, agoraphobia, and full-blown school phobia. Additionally, left unattended, fears and uncertainty about trust, love and security can have a negative effect on a child’s ability to develop healthy, loving friendships and romantic relationships as an adult. What are the causes and risk factors for separation anxiety disorder? Signs of separation anxiety disorder can be triggered by an event that the child experiences as traumatic, such as: a scary event that the child experiences personally (such as an earthquake) or hears about (e.g., a child abduction) a serious separation (e.g., a parent’s service in the military) stress in the family (such as a pending divorce, serious illness or death of a family member or beloved pet) a significant change (such as a new nanny, birth of a new sibling, or starting at a new school) an illness (major or minor). On the physiological level, a chemical imbalance involving two chemicals in the brain (norepinephrine and serotonin) most likely contributes to separation anxiety disorder, as it does to other anxiety disorders. Studies of identical twins have suggested a genetic element to anxiety disorders, and children of parents with anxiety disorders are more likely to develop anxiety disorders of their own, whether the disorder is inherited or represents learned behavior from living in an anxious household. Separation anxiety disorder is a special risk for a child of an agoraphobic parent. Other factors that may indicate a child at risk for separation anxiety disorder during school years include: An extremely close-knit family. A temperament that shows fear and withdrawal in new and unfamiliar situations. In girls aged 3 to 5, early temperamental traits of passivity and shyness. Insecure caregiver-child attachment in early years. What are symptoms of separation anxiety disorder? Separation anxiety manifests itself in a variety of physical and behavioral ways, including: Physical symptoms such as headaches or stomachaches, particularly when they occur persistently in anticipation of separation from parents Not wanting parents to be out of sight: following them around the house, requests to sleep in the parents' bed at night Nightmares about parents being gone or leaving Excessive worry about family members’ safety or the child’s own safety Excessive worry or panic when anticipating or experiencing a separation from home Refusal to go to school or other activities away from home WorryWiseKids.org has a helpful list of red flags for separation anxiety disorder, and the Mental Health Foundation of New Zealand offers a detailed site on the condition, including a page on signs of separation anxiety disorder.
After reading that article above, I think my 10yo might have a slight degree of SA. She wants to sleep with me every night and doesn't like spending the night from home (she does occasionally), but luckily goes to school w/o any problems!
Reward "Brave" behavior by using a point system. 2 points for a good morning and take away 1 point when he has a bad morning. Tell him his points must add up to a certain number to be rewarded (ice cream, maybe) Tally up the points at the end of the week. I did this with my son in 1st grade and it worked like a charm. Anyway...just a suggestion.....
Sounds a bit similar to my situation, especially in kindergarten and elementary school. I was always kind of shy and felt 'out of the circle', but I disagree with the assessment that it leads to unhealthy relationships in adulthood. I think it really depends on the child and how they progress through school. I always had nerves a bit going to school, but I generally did not continue to insist on knowing where my parents were in middle school and high school. I just wanted to know somebody was going to come get me when my time was up. I also don't know if its truly genetic in every case or not. My kindergartener has an independent streak a mile wide and displays none of the tendencies that I had at that age. Mom and dad are not welcomed to hang around and linger at school any longer than necessary and while I have a hard time myself pulling away at times, I do for the sake of my child. As long as my child wishes to display courage and independence (appropriately for age) I do not want to add influence that could be negative. On a side note, in a way, I think cell phones groom children and adults to have separation anxieties. Think about it. Just 15-20 years ago, when you left the house, you simply left in your vehicle and hopefully arrived at your destination safely and returned within an appropriate amount of time. If you went to the store, you were there by yourself until done shopping. Now, we literally have our phones (not me yet) stuck in our ears with Bluetooth and half the people I see with them do not look like they really need that kind of technology. Our society must now be constantly in contact with each other, sharing our thoughts at that particular moment, discussing things that come to mind and could have waited, notifying our friends and loved ones where we are at in any given time frame. It looks like social anxiety disorders are running rampant. Also, in way, these boards are like that too. How many of us check in at least 3-4 times a day? Its kind of interesting to really think about.
My husband were just discussing my 2nd grader this morning. He's not shy, and doesn't cry about going to school. I take him in carpool in the morning and he rides the bus home in the afternoon (this is his first year riding the bus). He says he loves the bus and wants to ride it in the morning, but it's just easier for me to take him. But since school started he seems almost depressed, and he's not listening, talking back to me, and just not acting normal. I was telling my husband he seems depressed, and he's even cried a couple times lately over little things, and my son NEVER cries or whines. He's also started soccer for the first time also, so I don't know if he's just overwhelmed, or if it's something else. But glad to know I'm not the only one going through this.
Is the teacher a new teacher or experienced? It does make a difference. Not all teachers should be teaching.
Do you let her sleep with you? I have never let my kids sleep with me (I'd never get any sleep if I did, LOL!) But my daughter use to do that too (even tho we never let get in the bed) so we told her she was welcome to sleep on the floor beside the bed if she wanted to be near us. We kept a little mat nearby and she would usually be there every morning.... eventually she stopped coming to our room. But she's still likes to be 'up my butt' most of the time if we go anywhere. :lol:
Yep I do. For her b-day this summer we decorated her room and got all new furniture, etc. she was doing good and sleeping in there every night, until her older sister let her watch a scary movie with her and now she crawls in the bed with me at night. She's 10, and my baby, so it's hard for me to say NO to that simple request. Call me stupid, but I still love to watch her sleep and she's growing up so fast (and I'm so damn strick about everything else). I talked to her about it last night and she just ignored me, I think I'm going to start back enforcing it this weekend.
Some of your sons 'sypmtoms' sounds like my middle one... and I attribute that to being tired. Even going to bed earlier, I dont think he is getting as much sleep as he was in the summer, so he is moody. I am hoping his body adjusts soon.
Yup, don't reward inappropriate behavior. IF the teacher says he's fine when he gets to school and he's fine when picked up, the chances are great he is crying for attention. By trying to soothe him, or run him to doctors and analyze it, when you already know he's healthy - just enable him to have the upper hand, and at his age he is learning how to manipulate. Tantrums, whether screaming and kicking- making an ugly scene, or just crying and being pathetic - get attention. IGNORE it. Just carry on like he was smiling from ear to ear. After he gets no reaction for a few days, he'll be just fine. Feed his emotion with more emotion, it will be one heck of a long road for all of you.
