I've decided I need a support group.... had to have a foster put down today. I have two kittens with coccidia that may not live, I feel like I am killing more than I am saving.... I need to go to Euthanasia anonymous. I don't need anyone saying I should have tried, or could have done... just people who understand you cant save them all but it hurts all the same.
I'm sorry. I know how you feel. I do Pit Rescue (Yes, everyone.. there is someone who loves Pitbulls) and we had to put down a pittie last week who was so severly injured (from fighting)had sarcoptic mange, had no eye balls (from the fighting)and had major. major kidney failure. He was fairly young, so I feel horrible that I didn't/couldn't save him. As the vet was sending him to the rainbow bridge, he licked my hand. He was so at peace in my arms. It never gets easier, and LJK, I feel your pain. Maybe you can start a support group (off 4042) that we can all participate in.
Thanks PLRL, If money, time and space were endless we could do so much more. If trying to save this one wouldn't have prevented me from saving 20 more this summer... (if people would spay/neuter...) I just want to cry. I wish I was the drinking type... :cry:
I know how you feel. It sounds like you feel some guilt, DON'T! You probably gave that foster dog more love and attention than he ever had in his life. This is what we in rescue have to deal with on an everyday basis. It's hard, it's sad and depressing. Please feel comfort in the love that you gave him and that he is now happily fetching bones and getting bellyrubs at the Rainbow Bridge. I'm sure you were there when he went to the bridge. He felt no pain, he was secure and loved. If he was sick or in pain, he is now free of this We are not millionaires(at least I'm not) and until they make s/n a law, it's us (rescue) that have to pick up the pieces. Please don't be sad... Think of all the love that he had while he was here on earth with you.
Sorry for what you are having to deal with ljk. I think that when you aren't involved with the nitty gritty of animal welfare and you just love animals, things weigh so much lighter on your heart. Once you really get a good picture of the plight of animals, it can become almost maddening, both figuratively and literally speaking. What so many people who haven't dealt with rescue and fostering don't understand is euthanasia. While they may have to put down a beloved pet and it hurts like hell, they haven't experienced taking an animal into their heart and home and promising it a better life, only to find for health reasons, the best they can do for that animal is to put it down humanely. Then, sure enough, it happens again, and again. It is heartbreaking because you have formed a bond with that animal - which for me takes about ten minutes of being alone with them. When the critter is sick and you are running it back and forth to vets and caring for it at home (I once force fed a 15 year old cat for three weeks) you bond with it even stronger. I can't tell you how many times I've held an animal and begged it and God to fight for another day and just keep breathing. When things go bad, it seems that it comes in clusters. What worked for me to get through these times is thinking positively. Whether it be telling myself that if that furry thing and I didn't find each other, that maybe they would have died without ever knowing someone really cared. That maybe they would have died alone. That at least I tried the best I could and for whatever reason, it was time for that animals' life to end here on Earth and it was just not for me to question. As far as the guilt part, I've felt it. More than once. Guaranteed, I'll feel it again. I was beating myself up really bad one day after I had to put down an almost 13 yr. old Miniature Schnauzer. She had a horrible life. Long story short, she was with me for almost eight months. She went from being flea and tick ridden and full of mats, loaded with tumors in her belly and all rotten teeth with painful abscessed gums and arthritis so bad she could barely walk, to flying all over my house, happy and loving. I had over 1K into my 'free' doggie. She was very old and I knew that she likely wouldn't see much past 14, but I was bound and determined to try to make her well and happy. No one was going to adopt a dog this old with only 5 teeth left in her mouth and also deaf, so I kept her. She slept in bed with me every night, spent hours laying by me while I worked in my garden, rides in the car - I took her all over the place with me. She suffered a massive stroke and afterwards she had all kinds of problems, trouble breathing, and the worst part - it affected her brain to where she sometimes didn't recognize us, or the other four legged family members. Which caused her to become very frightened at times. Then, she started getting lost in the house, she couldn't seem to be able to get from room to room, she still had sight, but her brain wasn't comprehending and she would become very distressed. Over about a month, she started having more bad days than good and she started fighting her meds - she had a bunch to take after her episode. While she was only 12 pounds, she fought with every ounce of her being not to take the medicine she needed in order to breathe better. It was killing me to watch it happen. I took her to the vet and held her as she took her last breath and cried like a baby. Then, I mentally beat the hell out of myself. I questioned whether I should have stuck it out another week or two to see if there would have been an improvement. I spoke with a friend about how bad I felt and she said the most amazing thing - "If you love an animal as much as you loved this one and you base your decision to end it's life humanely out of love, then you can never have made the wrong decision." That's what I can leave you with. Hopefully, it will help you as it helped me. Just remember, you're not alone. I think a support group for rescuers is a great idea.
