Subject: DIVORCE AGREEMENT THIS IS SO WELL PUT AND I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE IT'S BY A YOUNG PERSON, A STUDENT!!! WHATEVER HE RUNS FOR, I'LL VOTE FOR HIM. TO: American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and all Obama supporters, et al: We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way. Here is a model separation agreement: Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes. We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them). We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood .. You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security. We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N.. but we will no longer be paying the bill. We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon and all the electric cars you can find. You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World. We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag. Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you Answer which one of us will need whose help in 15 years. Sincerely, John J. Wall Law Student and a Proud American P.S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin Sheen, Barbara Streisand, & Jane Fonda with you.. P. S. S. And we won't have to press 1 for English.
Yup, it's funny and just soooo original too! (as of this post, almost sixty views with only one comment...) Seriously, how does this kind of thing help anybody? It's not going to change anyone's mind and simply adds fuel to the fire of divisiveness that is already crippling our government. A divorce isn't in anyone's best interests- pehaps we should try marriage counseling?
Well, of course it's not original. The original was penned by some ******* in South Carolina 149 years ago as he lit the cannon in Charleston. Or possible when the same dumbasses tried 29 years before that. I guess this "young person" is a law student at USC? Geez, I guess Beck, Hannity, & Coulter are laughing all the way to the bank. Sadly, their income streams will drop drastically once the Republicans are back in office. In fact, that is incentive enough to vote straight Republican. No, we don't need a divorce...we need a 3rd party...the Contrarian Party. When a Dem say have a nice day..they can declare it is socialist to have a nice day.
What we really need are term limits from the state level on up. There is no reason for some of these people to be in office 30 years. They also should not be able to receive the hefty salaries that are given along with the wonderful retirement packages. If they really wish to serve the people let them do it while getting a minimum wage salary. Take the perks out and lets see who still wants to serve.
We have term limits for politicians who are not serving their constituents. It's called elections. On the other hand, if my Congressman is doing a good job, I don't think it's reasonable for somebody to decide I can't vote for his or her re-election.
Divorce Countersuit TO ALL: Tea baggers, Anarchists, Right-Wing wackos, and supporters of any politician with an IQ below 100. NOTE: For those that have some sense and realize that we all want what’s best for the Country, then please disregard. I agree that we have irreconcilable difference, and that it is in the best interest of all parties involved to end this ill-convinced relationship. However, the fine U.S. Judicial system allows for a countersuit to your original proposed divorce agreement. Proposed Revisions: Since you don’t like redistributive taxes we will keep the benefits of all said taxes both Federal and State. The U.S. Constitution is very direct about the powers of Congress, and these items are clearly not specifically allowed. Therefore you must stop using them immediately. -All Interstate Highways -Public Schools, State Universities and Community Colleges -Police, FBI and Secret Service – no more incorrect or misleading intelligence to worry about -Fire Department -Social Security and Medicare benefits -Unemployment Insurance -CDC, FDIC, FDA, FAA and a whole bunch of other acronyms -U.S. Military - Sorry you only get a Militia because no standing Armies are allowed under the Constitution. Oh, and since you’re so willing to give up your Civil Liberties and your rights to Habeas Corpus at a drop of a hat you really don’t need the military anyway. We’ll need them to defend our rights instead of unlawfully invading Countries that are not an imminent danger to our National security. We’ll even keep the ACLU who defends people’s rights even when it’s not popular. -Subsidized gasoline – You can start paying full price and see how much you like your big truck after that. And since you don’t like any organization run by the Government we’ll take the U.S. Postal Service too. I’ll gladly pay 44¢ to send an envelope; you can pay Fed-Ex $10 to send the same letter. Hey it’s the free-market economy at work for your best interest. Ya Betcha!…wink,wink Since you don’t like immigrants we’ll take the Statue of Liberty. I think it’s kind of nice, but since it has silly writing on it that says things like “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses…blah, blah, blah” I’m sure you hate it. I think your European ancestors would be proud. You don’t seem to like regulations on business either, so we will immediately rescind all of these regulations on your side of the Country: -Child Labor - Since you no longer have public schools you might as well send little Johnny off to earn his keep. -Let’s put the lead back in paint – The Chinese do it…why can’t we? -No more SEC – Let big business and Wall Street do whatever they want. I’m sure they’ll keep your best interests in mind. -No more environment protection - I guess its okay to clear cut all of the trees; it will improve your view of the sun shining though the smog and the oil slicks that line the beaches. What you can keep: Since the Constitution does allow the Federal Government to borrow money you get to keep National debt. Enjoy, and please make sure you’re not late on the payments! You can keep your guns too, but can you please stop shooting the road signs?! You can also keep: Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, Sarah Palin and the vitriolic wacko Ann Coulter. As for Rosie O'Donnell we don’t want her either.
