I've lived a long life (no, I'm not dying (I hope))and I've decided to pass on the lessons I've learned through the years... I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just poopheads. I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only suspicion, not proof, to destroy it. I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have a big johnston or huge boobs. I've learned that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished. I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities. I've learned- that either you control your attitude or you will be offered medication. I've learnedthat regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place. I've learned that money is a great substitute for character. I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones who do. I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, until you get your stuff back in the mail with no note. I've learned that your family won't always be there for you. Of course, if you win the lottery, the hag, the philanderer, the screw-up, the missing one and the horse tooth girl will more than be there for "you". I've learned that no matter how good a chick is, she'll only contribute to your alcoholism. I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't have secret plans to move out. I've learned that we don't have to ditch bad friends because their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves. I've learned that two people can screw the exact same person and compare notes. I've learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper. I've learned that overzealous customs agents can change your life in a matter of hours.
